A fictional conversation between Golfer Dustin Johnson and actor Tom Cruise

Updated: Oct 20, 2018

“Dustin.”

“Hi Tom,” Dustin said, nodding to show his respect.

“I hear you’re the number one golfer in the world rankings. How’s life going as the # 1 golfer?”

“Good. I’ve played well. The world ranking calculation is weird, so it’s almost out of your control.”

“I get the control thing.”

“What do you mean?”

“Actors don’t control much.”

“You control what goes on the screen. You’ve done ok.”

“Yep, some director’s give you say in the script or how the characters react. You’ve done ok with golf regardless of the control.”

“It’s different, right? I control my golf swing and the lowest score wins. You control the character, but there’s a ton of stuff you don’t control, that’s for sure.

“You have rules to follow. I have a script to follow and a director to answer to.”

“Do you have a favorite movie you’ve done?”

Sure. I…. uh guess…. it would be Eyes Wide Shut. Stanley Kubrick and the cast, it was fun.

“Nicole was hot in the movie, very sexual. I understand why you’d like that gig. How did it feel workin with your wife? Did you know she got naked?”

“Yea, I knew she was doing nudity. Stanley came to us and told us what he planned. We read the script and decided it would be good. It was cool. Everything was professional.”

“Sure it was. Nicole seems to like to get naked.”

“It’s not a bad way to be. The scene fit with the movie. Don’t be shy. Your wife is a hottie, Wayne and Janet Gretzky’s daughter, Paulina.

“Yea, I did ok there.”

“You did more than ok. She did some nudity didn’t she? Golf Magazine was it?”

“Yep…. it was prior to us meeting though.”

“What did you think of her doing it?”

“I guess it was okay with me. She’s easy on the eyes. I didn’t mind other guys lookin.”

“I loved her mini when you won the US Open. I thought she was going to show us everything.”

“Yea, she had a hard time keeping covered. For being a family show, the camera’s stayed on her a long time.”

“Ha. She did good teasing the viewers.”

“Believe me we heard about it. Her mother was not pleased.”

“She should talk. Janet was in Playboy.”

“Yea, she’s hot too – apple doesn’t fall to far from the tree. She knows the negative side of such fun.”

“Janet liked to play before she met Wayne. I heard a lot of stories about what went on in the Mansion.”

“Your Ex and daughter are lookers. How old is Suri? Is she twelve? Man, if she’s anything like your Ex, watch out. They boys will be after her.”

“No they won’t.”

“Why not, you gonna keep them away?”

“I have a few surprises.”

“What if she wanted to do a nude scene in a movie someday?”

“I wouldn’t be happy. We’d do what her mother says. It’s a good policy to follow what she says.”

“Are you on good terms with them?”

“The mother – No, she hates me.”

“Your daughter, does she hate you?”

“We talk every week. It’s not the same now, like it was before the divorce. Katie has made it difficult for me in the tabloids. You see that right?”

“You’ve been busy lately. Any new movies you’re working on?”

“Sure, Reacher is in progress and another Mission Impossible.”

“Are you kidding? I love Reacher.”

“They’re both good movies for me. I like Reacher too.”

“How’s the stuff with Scientology going?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Why? It’s just us two.”

“It’s a trust thing. We just met and I don’t want my comments showing up in a tabloid.”

“Like the New York Times?”

“No, I was thinking of more like the National Enquirer. A lot of crap printed in both rags.”

“Ha, both papers print the truth they want.”

“Yea, its sad real reporting has been abandoned.

“You’ve had a tough time with them and Scientology.”

“They’re after me like they should’ve been when you messed up the tournaments you should’ve won.”

“It wasn’t my fault. The US Open was because a rules official messed up and the Masters was because the place I stayed super waxed the floor.”

“Why were you running in socks?”

“Why do you think? I almost caught her.”

“The news barely talked about it. You’re lucky they didn’t hound you and make a bigger deal over it.”

“Yea, but they went after me when I left golf for a year while I was in rehab.”

“I forgot. So we’ve both suffered at the hands of our own making.”

“Yes. You’ve received a lot of criticism for the films you’ve done. They say you’re a bad actor.”

“You believe ‘em?”

“Kinda. Everyone has bad days.”

“Including you?”

“If you think so.”

“Reacher is over 6’ tall in the books by Lee Child. How does that fit? You’re not even close. I would make a better Jack Reacher than you.”

“You think so? Can you act?”

“I’m acting now.”

“Yea, you’re not an actor.”

“Com’ on Tom, I’m more natural.” (laughs)

“To answer your question its camera angles that make me look bigger. It was a lot of action and physical stunts, which I did most myself. Don’t you think I make a good Jack Reacher?”

“No. Not much acting in the movie, if there was a real Jack Reacher he’d kick your ass.”

“Why?”

“For bad acting. Because he can and you think you can kick his.”

“I wouldn’t try.”

“On another topic I heard a story you once paid to use Cowboy Stadium for you and your boys to play a flag football game?”

“Yep, is that a big deal?

“I think so.”

“Why?”

“You could’ve played in a park or high school stadium to help them out with money. You chose to pay a wealthy businessman. It’s a bit over the top.”

“Oh well. No one cared at the time.”

“You sure? Or did you choose to ignore them.”

“It’s time for us to leave. Nice to meet you,” Tom said.

“Why so soon? I was just getting warmed up.”


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